The phones on the desk next to me have the holes on the mouthpiece in the shape of the Atari logo. But they are made by NEC. Jack confused.

Yesterday my boss showed me a cover that had been ripped off his son’s Spawn #97 and said, “What am I going to do with that boy?” before he threw it away. It was an amazing illustration of a very scantily clad Angel. I guess almost seeing some naughty bits isn’t okay with him. Of course this is the man who told me the effeminate customer support supervisor “talks funny.”

I had a nightmare that people weren’t reading my journal because I had left it the default colors. I’m not changing it, that’ll show my nightmare!

The customer support people get mad at me when I write “LOG OUT” on their screens in big letters, even though it’s my job. I’m so unappreciated . Maybe tonight I’ll write “BITE ME”

I’ll give the NRA as much leeway as they want, as long as I can keep seeing Charleton Heston on the news with a rifle raised high shouting, “From my cold dead hands, you damn dirty apes!”

I was chased down the mountain today by a little old lady. At least I assume it was a little old lady; I only saw knuckles and white curly hair.

I played Frogger on my way home last night. The frog lost. I didn’t expect a little squishy frog to make such a big bump.

When I was eating dinner today, I saw a man with a plate of chow mein. He slowly brought food to his mouth, then wiped his face with his napkin after every bite. This isn’t funny, but you read this far because you thought it would be. I win.

I want to be a doctor specializing in diseases of the rich.

My dad has turned into Lester Burnham. Well, except for the pedophilia thing. And the shower thing, but I’m not sure about that one.

There is nothing in the world greater than true love–except a nice MLT, mutton lettuce and tomato, where the mutton is nice and lean, oh they’re so perky. But that’s not what he said!

Why are assless chaps so funny?

I apologize for not being very funny tonight. I was abducted by aliens and forced to open for Right Said Fred. It was a good crowd, but I only got 10% of the cover. Damn aliens!