I almost ran over an owl the other night. It looked like a paper bag falling to the road, then it cranked it’s head around and looked at me surprised before it flew right over my windshield. I don’t know why I ducked.

A few days ago I overheard a man explain to his son why he shouldn’t play in the street. “Because cars are heavy, they’ll hurt you. And you are light, they won’t even notice when they run over you.”

Sometimes I forget very basic things. Like the fact that the sun move up and down and not side to side. Or sometimes I’ll type a command a hundred times in a row, then completely forget it, and what I’m even doing. I can’t remember how to spell Alzheimers.

There is no “I” in “team,” but there is an “I” in both “community” and “family.”

English is the only language where the first-person pronoun is capitalized, but the second-person is not. Or maybe there are more, I’m no linguist.

I started being a trouble-maker the last two years of high school, because I realized that nobody cared if I succeeded, and detention was the only place I could do what interested me.

I’m such a pervert. Today I actually matriculated right in the middle of the book store. I just do it for the dirty looks.

Yes I know matriculate means to enroll in something, not to study, but it’s funny anyway damnit. Just pretend.

I always check under my car before I get in it. I ignore the fact that bending over leaves the back of my head completely vulnerable.

My mom came back from a month long vacation today. The family is sad to have her back. I feel very evil that we don’t like her.

The general population prefers it’s input in bite-sized nuggets. A sound bite here, a blurb there. Summarize it in two sentences. Edit it down to an hour and a half. The more knowledge is out there, the less we can acquire and retain.

Today I saw a woman walking down the street. This wouldn’t be so interesting if she hadn’t been scratching her crotch the whole time.

Why is the tile on bathroom floors always crooked? When so many people are going to spend so much time staring at something, you’d think they’d get it right.

I never really wanted to write in a Live Journal. I wanted to be a Lumberjack! The oak! The redwood! The scotch pine! Hopping from tree to tree as they float down the mighty Mississippi! And we’d sing, sing, sing!