We need to talk.

As you know, the economy has been in a bit of a slump lately, and you may have heard some rumors around the journal about a restructuring. Well, the investors are spooked and have demanded we turn a profit. Since we don’t actually produce anything, we’ve been forced to reduce our friends list by 28%.

I feel just awful about this, but the order came from the top brass, my hands are tied. I’ll give you a letter of recommendation. You’re a good journaller, I’m sure you’ll land on your feet. Just look at this as an opportunity to explore new friendships. We’ll really miss you around here.

Security!