Entries in the ‘Humor’ Category:

Bear on the Lamb

Care bear under arrestBear Grylls‘s show is getting a little long in the tooth, and the staged “danger situations” are getting more and more ridiculous. I know exactly what Bear needs.

U.S. Marshals.

Every week Bear gets dropped in a wilderness location (like Les Stroud really did) and has to evade U.S. Marshals for seven days. The locals will be told that he’s a real fugitive. Set the dogs on him. Heck, they should shoot him on sight, just to add a bit more excitement. The real fun begins when Bear has to betray his camera crew to buy some more time.

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No More Use For Email

I don’t want to save up to 80% on printer cartridges. I don’t need help to be debt free by 2003. I don’t have military benefits waiting. Oprah has not found my lost inheritance. I don’t want free gas coupons. I don’t dream of being thinner or enlarging my penis without surgery. I don’t need millions of verified email addresses. I don’t care what you and your nineteen year-old roommates do in front of your webcam. I don’t want top secret stock advice, money making tricks, or porn site passwords. I wouldn’t use one thousand free hours. I don’t need to know what my personal psychic thinks. I have an unsecured VISA, and I don’t want the prestige of gold, the power of platinum, or the strength of titanium. It’s not everywhere I want to be. I’ve traced my family tree. I don’t need a better mortgage.

I have no more use for email.

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In Case of Rapture

I want a bumper sticker that reads, “WARNING: In case of rapture, I’ll loot your house”

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Yuppies of America unite!

I’m tired of companies taking advantage of us just because it will cost more to fight them than give up. Therefore, I am announcing the boycott on the American economy! Stop buying things, close your bank accounts, give your broker the finger (after you get your money)! We’ll go back to a simple barter system. People stealing from people, just like the good old days. Division of labor is so antiquated, we can all produce most of what we need and trade for the rest. Nobody checking real-time quotes on their PDA, no major (and minor) corporations lying about their products, we’ll settle disputes with violence!

My god, it’ll be beautiful.

Come on everyone, rally together. We’ll take back the economy! Now, some of you are going to die when the government resists, but that’s a chance I’m willing to take. I’ll stay in back so when we have to retreat, I can lead us to safety.

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Forgotten Account

Amazing. I’ve been using the AIM screen name rklatswdahs for a year or so, because shadwstalkr was taken. One of my friends suggested I put shadwstalkr on my buddy list, so when he came on I could yell at him for stealing my nick.

A few months ago, I realized that shadwstalkr had never been on in a year and a half, and I started thinking that maybe it was an account I had opened years ago and forgotten. So just a few days ago I finally came up with the genius idea of using the AIM password reminder, and low and behold, shadwstalkr is mine! I really am a total moron!

Anyway, I’ll be using both screen names for awhile, but if any of you super heroes want to talk to me use shadwstalkr.

Oh, and I didn’t drive off a cliff.

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