Archive for January, 2004:

Six Degrees

Living in California for six years makes you forget just how cold six degrees is. The only time I used the words “six degrees” in California was in the same sentence as “Kevin Bacon.” Six degrees is nose-falling-off cold. Six degrees is so cold that the cup of boiling coffee that was scalding my legs in the car is stone cold by the time I’m in class (a three minute walk). Six degrees freezes my boogers so much that they can’t plug my nose anymore, which means my ice cube nose runs like a mountain spring. This fountain of snot mingles with the moisture in my breath to make icicles in my moustache. Despite all this, six degrees wasn’t cold enough for me. I had to get a haircut so that I could be as cold as possible. Why did I like the winter as a kid?

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Headlines

Fucking McDonald’s Scientists anounce study that shows McDonald’s bags are perfect heatsinks, making fresh fries stone cold in minutes.

Dean Does Des Moines After a surprise third place in the Iowa Democratic caucus, Dr. Dean growled loudly that he has been told there are about forty-nine other states. If he comes in third in all of them, he’ll be in 150th place, and that ain’t bad.

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Oh grow up!

One of the silliest parts of playing a nautical RPG is four guys in their twenties giggling over jokes about able seamen.

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