Archive for November, 2002:

Whatever it Takes

A lot of people say really stupid things in the form of “We need to do whatever it takes to do X.” As in “I don’t care what it takes, we need to get drugs off the streets!” Or “We need to do anything we have to do to end crime.”

These statements are made without thought, because there is always an easy solution for a problem if peripheral consequences don’t matter.

Want to end crime? Instate martial law, live in a dictatorship. A society with heavily armed men on every corner authorized to execute on site is a polite society.

End childhood disease. Practice eugenics. (that’s got bumper sticker written all over it)

End gun violence. Ban bullets and destroy all gunpowder plants.

End corporate fraud. Disband all corporations.

End illegal immigration. Conquer and annex all sovereign nations. (Bush has already thought of this one, apparently)

End this post. Comment profusely.

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The Emperor’s Club

This was a story that might have been good as a short in a literary magazine, maybe even a novella, but not a feature length film. It was basically a mix of Dead Poet’s Society and Mr. Holland’s Opus, but without the touching, poignant characters. It might have had touching characters, but we never get to find out, because they were kept at arms length through the whole movie. There isn’t really any characterization at all. We see little snippets of many different relationships, but they are never solidly woven together. We never see how these relationships affect the characters, or how anything affects the characters. As far as I could tell, not one event that occured in the movie affected any of the characters’ lives at all. I think that was the premise, that people don’t change, but it was poorly executed and made for a dull film.

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And now for the bad-joke-made-worse of the day…

A penguin was driving around one day when his car broke down. With the help of a friendly emu, he pushed it to a gas station. While the mechanic looked at the car, he went inside and bought a candy bar. Being a pengiun and having nothing resembling fingers, he made a mess of it and smeared the chocolate all over his face. When he went back into the garage, the mechanic looked up from under the hood and said, “It looks like you blew your oil pump,” to which the penguin replied, “No, it’s just chocolate.”

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And now for the Buddhist offending joke of the day…

What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

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And now, the Mormon offending joke of the day…

What do you call a computer graphics researcher at Brigham Young University?

A Utah Polygonist.

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