Archive for July, 2002:


I updated my bio. Since the first rule of web design is that it is very hard to coerce people away from a page with interesting content, I’ve included it here:

My IQ is around 140. I scored 1390 on the SAT without studying. I started programming computers when I was seven and was a proud casualty of the dot-com bust. My Academic Decathalon team placed second at state. I’m an Eagle Scout, a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, and was once the 23rd nationally ranked sabre fencer in my division.

But none of this matters, to anyone. I am now a pizza transport technician, and community college student. The biggest lesson I’ve learned in life is to never show people what you’re capable of, because they’ll always expect more than you can give.

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I just bought an 80 gig drive, but now I don’t know what to do with it. I thought I needed it, but maybe not.

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Uh oh, I think I’ve gotten too vague. Good thing my clarity control goes all the way to eleven.

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I think I’m going to start calling everyone babe. Then I’m going to pluck an eye out and learn to do gun tricks. What can I say? I’ve gotta be me.

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Micro Satellite Knows What it Likes

Recently uncovered photographs from the European Space Administration’s imaging satellite, programmed to decide it’s own missions, have stirred up controversy. When asked to explain the scientific value of overhead photographs of nude beaches, Vladimir Laysky, director of the ESA, turned red and stammered, “This satellite was developed by a team of dedicated scientists working night and day. I’m sure they know what they’re doing.”

Unsatisfied with the director’s answer, this journalist will stay abreast of this issue. No matter how many hundreds of satellite images I have to pore through, no matter how long I have to go undercover on nude beaches, I vow to get to the bottom of this and lay the truth bare for all to see!

(read the real, far more boring article here)

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